Triathlon - Jake and Amir.和訳wiki

Intro: Jake: You're watching "Jake and Amir!"
ごらんの番組は「JakeandAmir」がお送りします。
Amir: That's what she said!
と、彼女は言った！
Jake: Not how that joke works.
面白いと思った？
Amir: EHH!
~~~~
Amir: So, the beeper is just sliding down my thigh, and I'm still facing, remember that direction, due north? Guess what? I was lying. It was due south. How's that for a mind fudge? So, I s...
で、俺が見てるとき、ポケベルが太ももを滑り落ちてった。方向も覚えてるよ、北だっけな？わかるか？そのときは横になってたんだ。真南だった。どんなたわごとだ？それで、俺は…
Jake: Hey, hey. I just got this e-mail that you sent to the entire company and, um, nobody's going to believe you're doing a triathlon for charity.
なあ、おい。お前が全部の会社に送ったメール見たよ。あのさ、お前がチャリティーのためにトライアスロンをやるなんて誰も信じてないぞ。
Amir: Ooh, this kitten's got claws. He he.
おお、仔猫の爪ほどもか？あはは。
Jake: Right, so they're not going to donate any money to you.
あはは　そうだね。だからお前には援助金は出さない。
Amir: Rerh! (kitten screech) He he. Rerh. He he. ...Why not?
Rerh！あはは。Rerh！　　　…なんで？
Jake: For starters, you began the e-mail by saying "Dear Suckers."
まず第一に、メールの始めに「バカなやつらへ」って書いただろ。
Amir: Yea, as in deer suckers. Like little possums.
ああ。バカな奴らだったからな。ちょっとネズミみたいだったし。
Jake: So, that makes even less sense than I originally thought. Secondly, triathlons are running, swimming and biking, not drinking, fucking and stealing ya'lls cash.

Amir: Cash money, ain't nothin funny.
Jake: That's not a response to what I just said.
Amir: Fo'sho!
Jake: Look, even if they get past the beginning of this e-mail, the next part is a picture of you in a jewelry store, holding a diamond watch, with the caption: "I want dis."
Amir: You don't understand, man. I want dis.
Jake: That's the only thing I understand.
Amir: Ok! If you don't want to make the donation just put in like $150 and then click send. And when goes "Are you sure you want to make the donation?" click on "No." If it's that hard, i'll do...i'll click on it.
Jake: I just got a follow-up e-mail: "It's come to my attention that you guys think this is a bogus goof. I legit want/need dis watch." Blew your cover there. Then, three follow up e-mails that say: "Please disregard, please disregard, please disregard." One more, though. Just one sentence long and it says: "Come on, douches. Help out the cause." And it's a photo shopped picture of you shitting on Bill Cosby.
Amir: That was a Jello pudding snack.
Jake: That was a Jello pudding snack, ok. It's kinda weird, though, that you have a legit picture of you taking a shit.
Amir: Yea, the Cos loves his Jello pudding sweaters.
Jake: Final e-mail: "Please recall all e-mails. Somebody's being a bitch." And it's a photo shopped picture of Bill Cosby shitting on me, which is extra weird because you somehow got a photo of Bill Cosby taking a shit?
Amir: The Cos has to poop, eventually, sir. And it's just about finding the right f...
Jake: How are you so fast at photo shop?
Amir: It's all about doing it real crudely and quickly.
Jake: Not very crudely. They're fine lines.
Amir: Yea, the trick is to make it look like it's very good, but it's actually not that good.
Jake: You gotta stop it with that impression.
Amir: Yea, well at least I don't spit when I talk!
Jake: Do I do that?
Amir: No! And for that I am thankful. Namaste.
Jake: One last thing, alright? One final thing. Your shirt is up around your nipples. Pull it all the way down when you put it on. Alright?
(Amir attempts to pull his shirt down)
Jake: You get it over your head. Your arms are through the holes. That's good. Put it all the way down.
(Amir's shirt is still not pulled down all the way)
Jake: It's not..it's still...it's half-way!