Fashion blog - Jake and Amir.和訳wiki

INTRO Jake - Hey, you’re watching Jake and Amir.
ご覧の番組は「Jake and Amir」です。
Amir - And I just sat in cheese! Thank you!

Jake- How?

JAKE: Hey, who’s chicaqueenvixenstyle.tumblr.com?
なあ、「chicaqueenvixenstyle.tumblr.com」って誰だ？
AMIR: Promise not to tell?
言わない約束なのか？
JAKE: I already know it’s you.
お前知ってんだろ。
AMIR: It’s me.
俺だよ。
JAKE: I know.
知ってる。
AMIR: I blog under a pseudonym so that people can’t really tell--
誰にも言ってなかったんだけど、仮名でブログやってて――
JAKE: You don’t. You sign every single post Amir Valerie Blumenfeld.
投稿するたびに「Amir Valerie Blumenfeld」ってつけてるだろが。
AMIR: My blog is a one stop shop for mom and pop, but don’t bring dad around here. This ain’t no place for dads.
俺のブログは夫婦経営のワンストップショップ（なんでもそろう店）、でもどこにも父さんはいないんだ。父親の場所はどこにもない。
JAKE: Really bad slogan, dude.
最悪なスローガンだな。
AMIR: That’s why I barely even used it, dude.
だからあんま使ってない。
JAKE: It’s everywhere on the front page. Like a lot.
それ思いっきりタイトルに使ってんじゃん。
AMIR: Barely on there.
そこだけちょっとね。
JAKE: Don’t say barely, you’re scrolling right now. Look, I can see you counting, if you’re counting then it’s too many.
ちょっとって言わないし、スクロールするとなんかひどいのがいっぱい書いてあるし。
AMIR: It’s too many.
多いな。
JAKE: These sex tips are like, really out there.
セッ〇スtipsとかなんか、キチってるだろ
AMIR: Yeah, it’s about being confident, sexy and fabulous. OK? Guys can tell, trust me.
ああ、それは自信とセクシーさと素晴らしさについて書いたんだ。おｋ？自信を持て、俺を信じろ。
JAKE: This one says put a (bleep) on it (bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep) until he bleeds.
これなんか、「流血するまで（ピー）が（ピー）（ピー）（ピー）（ピー）（ピー）置いておく」
AMIR: Did you know that a praying mantis have one spouse, one spouse for their entire life. OK, we can learn a lot from that.
カマキリのオスは、配偶者･･･メスのために生涯を捧げるだろ？このことから、俺らは多くを学ぶことができる。
JAKE: That’s not true.
それは違うよ。
AMIR: It’s on the blog.
ブログにあるもん。
JAKE: That doesn’t make it a fact, man. I think you confuse them with penguins because right here you wrote, in all caps, penguins eat their husbands.
嘘を書くなよ。お前ペンギンとカマキリを混同してんだろ。ペンギンの画像に大文字で「ペンギンは夫を食べる」って書いてある。
AMIR: OK, how about this for a true fact--
じゃあ本当のことを教えてくれよ
JAKE: If it’s about praying mantises, I don’t want to know. (pause) So it was.
俺はカマキリのことなんて知りたくないね。
AMIR: (mockingly) So you were.
お前はな。
JAKE: That’s not what I said. If you’re going to mock me, at least listen to what--
んなこと言ってないだろ。これ以上俺をからかうんだったら、少しでも話を聞け―
AMIR: Praying mantises can screw for 9 hours straight, OK? It’s the most tantric sex you could ever imagine and I’m just supposed to sit on my fat butt and not blog about that? Like, no, I can’t, what are you tal--
カマキリは９時間も続けてセッ〇スできんだよ。あんたが想像できる限りのタントリック・セックス（触れ合うだけ）っていうのは俺が太ったケツで
JAKE: You know, I’m also realizing that a lot of your tips of the day are really mean, the same thing, and not tips. Like this one says ‘my blog is the one stop shop for mom and pop, but don’t bring your dad around here. This ain’t no place for dads.’
AMIR: Yeah, it’s called reverse psychology, OK? I say it ain’t no place for dads--
JAKE: All your other tips say ‘long hair makes you look like a horse’!
AMIR: Pony tails...are for ponies.
JAKE: Delete your blog.
AMIR: OK, if you could just give me one bit of advice. Just one suggestion, because right now I feel like it’s coming--
JAKE: It’s delete the whole thing.
AMIR: After that, all right? Next tip, OK, let’s say--
JAKE: I guess the slogan. OK? It’s kind of redundant to say ‘dont’ bring your dad around here’ and then also say ‘this ain’t no place for dads’.
AMIR: You just lost all your credibility like that. (attempts to snap)
JAKE: Ooo, you can’t snap.
AMIR: No, but Widely agreed that that slogan was the smartest thing I ever came up with.
JAKE: Who agreed with that?
AMIR: My friend Widely.
JAKE: Your friends have the stupidest names I’ve ever heard--
AMIR: YEAH, well you look like a short-haired horse!
(blackout)
JAKE: You know, I was thinking more about your fashion blog, and maybe I could help you out by writing a column. Maybe then people will go to it. It’ll be like J-Witz talking about fedo-do’s, leather bands, vests . . .
AMIR: Nah, I’m OK. Tha--
JAKE: OK, WELL I’M NOT DONE TALKING! . . . vests.
THE END.