The old man and the, uh, ocean? Looks like a lifetime at sea has left its tracks on him.
Looks like a lifetime at sea has left its tracks on him.
It's a quaint, old-fashioned treasure chest. I wonder if there's anything exciting inside it, like doubloons or whatever they're called.
It's an old treasure chest.
It's just a boring old non-treasure chest.
The old man keeps his bird locked in there. Poor guy. The bird, that is.
I wouldn't feel too comfortable about sailing anywhere in that. It's like a toy boat for children.
It's a lighthouse. The blue fire's burning bright, a safe beacon for weary sailors...and a magnet for flowery prose.
It's a lighthouse.
Hello, old man.
I got me no treasure, and I got me no map of no buried treasure. I just be an old sailor with no ship, so leave us be.
Hello again, old man.
Eh? Eh. It be you.
What are you doing?
Mending nets, of course. What do it look like I be doing?
I'm not well versed in maritime customs.
Mar-what? Ah, youse mean sealife, do yer not? Arrr. The smell of the salty sea, the lapping of waves on yer ship, the spray of cold water on yer face... Plump maidens in every port...
Care to share some of your maritime stories with me?
Mar-what? Ah, tales of the sea, right? Sure, sweetie, I be happy to. Now, what stories be ye wanting to hear, then?
I'd love to hear some more maritime stories.
Sure, sweetie, I be happy to. What story be ye wanting to hear now?
I'd better get going.
Ah, youse young 'uns be always running 'round. Ever'thing be so important, youse be having no time to sit down and take a breath. So go! Be not wasting your time here, with me.
See you later.
If I not be dead, aye.
What've got you in that chest?
What chest?
The one you're sitting on.
Um, that be no chest, girl. That be me stool. Aye. Me stool, carved into the uncanny likeness of a chest.
But what's in it?
No priceless treasure, that be fer sure. Nothin'. Nothin' at all. It be empty.
No, really -- what's in the chest?
Uhm, live snakes -- aye! Snakes that'll bite yer face off before youse have time to jump! Better leave them be, then.
I'm still curious about that chest.
Right, right, I be telling youse! Curse the Balance, girl, ye never give up, do ye?
I be having no real treasure in here, like I told ye, but it be where I keep me personal articles, and things I be picking up now and then on me travels.
And me bird, it's where I be keeping me bird, before I be losing 'im. I be a stupid, stupid old man. He be my best friend, aye, ain't nobody else 'round to talk to, ye see. On account of 'im being a talking bird.
What happened to your talking bird?
I be, uhm, cheated out of him. Aye, that cupshandler on the marketplace be cheating me in a fool game of cups, and I be having to give me bird up to try win me money back.
And what happened?
He be taking me bird when I be choosing the wrong cup. Aye, me best friend, taken from me. Cursed be the Balance! I be all lonesome now.
The worst part be that me bird is now a prize to be won -- a prize! -- in the cups game. Beat the handler thrice, and ye win a prize of yer choice. Me poor bird.
What's your bird's name?
"Bird".
Oh.
Do you know how I can get passage on a boat going south?
Aye. Coin be the way, as me belov'd wife always be saying. Course, she be running off with a wealthy merchant while I be away at sea. Women. Never trusted one I didn't pay for again.
I don't have much coin at all.
Then I be at a loss, as do ye. Unless...
I need coin to travel on a boat, unless...what?
Unless I be calling in a favor with the good cap'n Horatio Nebevay, who be travelling to Ge'en as soon as the wind be pickin' up.
What kind of favor?
Oh, he be owing me, from back when I be his cap'n.
Would you "cash in" your favor with Nebevay if I got your bird Bird back?
Aye. I be promising anything to get me friend back. It be a deal.
Do you know the island of Alais?
Aye, I be knowing lots and lots about the fear'd isle of Alais.
It's feared? How?
Because...because...it be a place of cannibals!
You really don't know anything about the island of Alais, do you.
Arrr...no, I do not.
Aye, I tell youse, I be having stories about the sea.
Aye, I be having plenty of tales to tell. There be the tale of me adventures in the Bakshevan empire, if ye be int'rested? It be a tale of grand romance, just up yer alley, be sure of it.
Any tale of your exciting adventures will do.
Have you heard a story about a god who fell from the sky into the sea?
Aye, that I be having. Although that be a story of man-eating mermen who ravage the Sea of Songs, swallowing sailors whole and spitting their bones out to dry. Are ye sure ye be up for hearing such a cruel tale?
I've heard worse.
Ye be a tough little lady, be ye not? All right. Well, like I be telling youse, the Sea of Songs surrounding the island kingdom of Ge'en be a treacherous sea where countless vessels have dis'peared without a trace.
Now, this be near thirty long winters ago, mind, during me second term as cap'n of the trader "Lucky Lady". We'd been crossing the Sea of Songs for two seasons...
...and we'd yet to be seeing any sign of the dreaded, bloodthirsty mermen who lurk in the waters off the Ge'en coast.
That night we be layin' still with our sails down awaitin' the wind to pick up and carry us north to Marcuria, when we be hearing a frightful scream a-comin' from the port side of the "Lady Luck".
I be the first to rush over, on account of me be having my arm down the apple barrel -- we just been to Aeras to pick up one hundred barrels of sweet Ge'en apples...
He be in the water, screamin' and wavin' his arms, and the water round him be red as a midwife's arms after a gruelling birth--
I get the picture. Go on.
Then I be seeing -- I glimpse -- a large, shiny, sleek body be pulling Salee down and swallow him whole. It be the mermen, come to claim the body of the sailor who dared cross their sea!
Are you sure it wasn't a shark?
A what?
Big fish with sharp teeth and dead-black eyes, and a large, triangular fin on top?
Ye mean a blackeyed snapjaw? I guess it could've been, but...it be no snapjaw! It be the dreaded mermen of the Sea of Songs!
And where does the sea god fit into all this?
Aye, I be comin' to that. Ye see, the bloodthirsty mermen be not only happy with cannibalizing sailors, but they be sacrificing their own to their dark, old sea god.
Actually, unless the mermen are human, they wouldn't really be cannibals if they ate humans.
Blood sacrifices! To their dreaded god who lives on the bottom of the sea. Aye, that be the truth of the mermen, fierce and bloodthirsty cannibals of the Sea of Songs.
Uh, thanks. Good story.
Aye.
I'm all story'd out for now, thanks.
Aye. Ye tell me when ye want more, right?
Tell me again the story of the mermen.
Aye, the fearful tale of the bloodthirsty cannibal mermen who worship their dark cannibal god in the murky depths of the Sea of Songs?
Uhm, never mind.
Aye!
Any tale of your exciting adventures will do.
Ye want more? Damned be me wooden left ankle, I be having a great old tale to tell youse, about how I be coming to have me wooden pecker. It all began--
...and as luck would have it, I be there just in time to witness Salee Barni's horrible fate!
You know what -- on second thought, forget it.
Arrr.
And it be looking like a lifetime of shooting yer mouth off be takin' its toll on youse.
Ye might want to consider waiting 'till ye be outta earshot before ye badmouth me.
Better a lifetime at sea than a day in a dress and a brassiere.
Bird! Blessed be the Balance, me faithful friend and companion be back!
Here's your bird Bird, sir. It wasn't easy, but I got him back. I sure hope you're grateful.
Now can you help me get passage on a ship?
Aye, I be a man of me word. Speak ye with captain Horatio Nebevay of the White Dragon, the ship behind youse. Tell him Umber Ianos be sending youse to cash in on that old favor he be owin' me.
Thanks, old man.
Aye-arrr.
Sure, that sounds like a fine story.
Aye. It be near on fifty years ago, and I was a mate on a sturdy old lady called "The Three-Legged Whore".
The what?
What do I be saying? She was called "The Thrifty Horse", she was. Aye, that be her name. "The Whittle Wotsit".
Um...you don't remember the ship's name, do you?
Arrr. Anyways, I be a young mate then, and we be anchored in Monterba, the grand western port of the once-glorious Bakshevan empire.
I be having shipleave until the following evening, and it be me first visit to that exotic and dangerous port. So I sets out to have a look around...now, bear in mind that Monterba be ruled by a Mahk...
Nah, forget it, I don't have time for stories.
Arrr. Ye young 'uns be too busy with ye strolling about and ye kissing and kicking the foot-ball. No time to listen to ye elders, eh? Well, be gone then, and bother me no more.
...like all large Bakshevan cities. In principle, the Mahk be having to report to and pay half of all taxes to the Emperor in Port Altaban, but with the Bakshevan empire having all but crumbled into pieces...
...the provinces do be having the power to do pretty much as they be wanting, arrr... And so I sets out on me own that day, to explore the city. Now, bear in mind that of all the cities of the Southlands--
...and that be me adventures in the once-glorious empire of Baksheva, and that be how I meet me bird Bird, how I seduce and romance the Mahk's daughter..
...how I be chased from Monterba by the Mahk's soldiers, and how I be the first man to walk across the desert of Ch'angagriel, the Wastelands, and how I do be getting this awful rash on..
Arrr, girl, ye do not be sleeping, do ye?
Nonono, not back in that chest, not in the che-- heeelp!
What? What? What? Sleeping? No. No-no-no. Just concentrating. Really hard.
Arrr...
Good story, though. Solid, solid material. Ever consider doing a book?
Aye, but the agents in Marcuria be bloodthirsty vampires with no thought but to milk your life's blood.
Oh, so they take an outrageous commission, then?
No! They actually be bloodthirsty vampires with a penchant for biting your neck when you ain't be looking.
Huh.
