Big, certainly, but I can't see anything through it. It's like there's a thick fog outside obscuring everything.
That's one big window.
Evil alchemist or not, at least he's made some effort to make the place look good.
It's Roper Klacks, your basic evil wizard and bad dresser.
Roper Klacks.
Say whatever you want about Roper Klacks, he certainly knows how to keep a big fire...wait, are those human bones down there?
It's a roaring fire, with the emphasis on roaring.
And I thought that mathematics was only useful in the most abstract of senses.
I came here to defeat Roper Klacks, not to run like a frightened chicken.
Finally. I was beginning to think you would never make it through my labyrinth.
Welcome to my humble home. Do you like it? I had it built according to my own specifications by the most skilled architects of Arcadia.
Oh, but I forget my manners. I am, as I am sure you already know, Roper Klacks. And you would be...?
See? I could scour your flesh off your bones in a second, little girl. Now do you think you could defeat me?
No, no, you stay down there, little girl, or you will burn.
They have since become a permanent, and quite attractive, fixture of their own building, of course.
Fine, you win.
You win again.
Let me think of a better challenge!
And I always thought math was such a waste of time...
If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well it were done quickly: if the assassination could trammel up the consequence, and catch with his surcease success; that but this blow might be the be-all and the end-all..."--
All right, all right already.
Bureaucracy. As in a body of nonelective government officials? Bureaucracy. B-U-R-E-A-U-C-R-A-C-Y. Bureaucracy.
Relinquish your prisoners and free the wind!
Never you mind who I am.
April Ryan, pleased to meet you, sir.
Ah! Hah! Ah-hah-hah! Oh, this is precious, this is a Kodak moment. But why look so shocked? I am quite familiar with your world, you know. Automobiles, rocketships, telephones...
...America's Funniest Home Videos...
Never you mind, never you mind! I know who you are, April Ryan. You have come to strike me down like so many before you.
Oh, but the kitten has manners! How precious, how very precious. I am tempted to not turn you into stone -- you would make a spirited wife and mother to my demonic children.
It will be more fun to destroy you.
I don't think so. Release your prisoners, and free the wind!
I am very sorry, but I have plans for the future, and so I must disappoint you. And I am afraid I must take your soul, there is just no way around that.
As for you, April Ryan -- yes, I know who you are -- I think I will allow myself a few moments of amusement before I take your soul and trap you in solid stone.
But you will not succeed. You will be trapped here, with the rest of them, in solid stone, for all eternity.
But...no.
I have great plans for the future, you see, once the Vanguard succeed in their hilariously destructive little ploy. They do not know what they are getting themselves into.
Why did you trap the wind?
Why did you turn those people into stone?
Gotta go, see you later.
Prepare to be defeated!
Why does the wolf eat the sheep?
Questions, questions, questions. I do not need to explain myself to you, little bastard child! Do you know who your parents are? No, of course not, too stupid.
Wh--what? What do you know about my parents?
"Suffer the little children". How I love that phrase. It is my life's philosophy. I like suffering. Especially the suffering of innocent children. Their screams are so pretty, their tears so salty.
You're a real shit, Klacks.
I know you are, but what am I?
"Prepare to be defeated!" Bah! Clich駸! Is that the best you can do?
Watch me.
Yes, and you plan to do what? Witness the men who came before you with their weapons and their magic. Look what happened to them. Turned to stone, each and every one of them, for all eternity.
I even own their souls, now, and they will feed me and keep me strong for as long as I need them.
How original. Been reading a lot of fairy-tales lately, have we?
Oh, how precious! Tah-hah-hah!
Not so quick. You are not leaving here. Ever. The way out is blocked. You did not think I was oblivious to what my gatekeeper was doing, did you? I know everything. I let you into my castle, dear little thing.
I don't think you answered my question.
Because I can, little girl. Because I can. And because of who I am, because I am hungry, and because the time is right.
I think you did it because you're insecure and you have to show off your petty magic to the world.
Shut your pretty little mouth! I will devour you! I will-- But we must not lose our self-control, must we? No, we must not.
How about a proper challenge?
Yeah, well, I can pull a rabbit out of a hat.
How did you do that?
A proper...what do you mean by "a proper challenge"?
I can't defeat you with magic. I'm not a wizard.
Wizards. Frauds, the lot of them. The only real magic is the magic of alchemy. But of course you cannot defeat me with magic. That is why I will win.
What's so great about beating me with magic? That's not a challenge, that's a walkover. If we even the odds out a bit, you'll have more fun and satisfaction from turning me into stone later.
You are trying to trick me, I know that. But you intrigue me, little girl. Go on, then, issue a challenge worthy of my powers.
I can pull a hat out of a rabbit. What is your point?
Whoa, I've never seen that before.
It is not a pretty sight...and I love it.
Alchemy, little girl. The most powerful magic. It was a spell of my own creation, I knocked it together only last night.
I challenge you...to a game of hopscotch!
I challenge you...to a round of tic-tac-toe!
I challenge you...to a spelling bee!
I challenge you...to guess my weight!
I challenge you...to recite a monologue from Shakespeare's "Macbeth"!
I challenge you...to a cooking contest!
Do not underestimate me, little girl. I was young once too, believe it or not, and I was the neighborhood champion in hopscotch three years running!
Erm, okay. Let's rock'n'roll.
Ah. Ah-hah. Hah-hah! Did I forget to mention that back in the Alchemists' Academy, I was a faithful member of the tic-tac-toe club for five years?
Uh, really?
Hah! Spelling! My secret passion! All right, you begin. Give it to me.
Uh, sure. Okay. Uhm, spell "bureaucracy".
One-hundred and eighteen pounds.
Damn.
Ah, cooking! My secret passion. You have not lived until you have tasted my mince pie.
Oh, brother. Forget cooking. I suck at cooking anyway.
Give me a moment, and I'll think of a better challenge.
A moment is all you get, little girl.
I challenge you to a contest of simple arithmetic, using only this petty little device against your supreme intellectual powers.
Give me your best shot. But after this, I will take your soul and trap you in stone for all eternity.
Sounds good to me. Okay, here's one...forty-nine times eleven.
Forty-nine times eleven what?
Numbers. Okay, think of apples and oranges. Forty-nine apples times eleven oranges.
Forty-nine times eleven... Let's see, carry the one over, divide by three...what to do with that five? Oh forget that one... So that leaves us with...
...nine! Ah-hah!
Wrong. It's five-hundred and thirty-nine. That was an easy one, Klacks. Is that the best you can do?
Two out of three!
I'll give you an even easier one this time. Six-hundred and three, divided by three.
Oh, you underestimate my powers, little girl! Five-thousand, eight-hundred and sixty-seven. Point two-- Point three! Ah-hah!
Waaay off, buddy. It's two-hundred and one. Sorry, you lose.
Give me that thing!
Oh, this is intriguing, this really is... What does this do? Oh, my.
Now it's your turn. Spell Anzhabecquakaleea.
Answer-what? That's not a real word.
It is. It is a terminology often used in the study of the black art of alchemy. Now, spell it!
A-N-S--oh, forget it.
