ACT I
(Courtyard of Ko-Ko’s Palace in Titipu. Japanese nobles discovered standing and sitting in attitudes suggested by native drawings)
No.1 Opening Chorus and Recitative
CHORUS OF NOBLES
If you want to know who we are,
We are gentlemen of Japan:
On many a vase and jar,
On many a screen and fan,
We figure in lively paint:
Our attitude’s queer and quaint;
You’re wrong if you think it ain’t, oh!
If you think we are worked by strings,
Like a Japanese marionette,
You don’t understand these things:
It is simply Court etiquette.
Perhaps you suppose this throng
Can’t keep it up all day long?
If that’s your idea, you’re wrong,
oh! oh!
If that’s your idea, you’re wrong,
If you want to know who we are,
We are gentlemen of Japan:
On vase and jar,
On screen and fan,
On many, many, many, many,
many, many, many, many a jar
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
On vase and jar,
On screen and fan,
(Enter Nanki-Poo in great excitement. He carries a native guitar on his back and a bundle of ballads in his obi.)
Recitative
NANKI-POO
Gentlemen, I pray you tell me
Where a gentle maiden dwelleth,
Named Yum-Yum, the ward of Ko-Ko?
In pity speak, oh, speak, I pray you!
A NOBLE
Why, who are you who ask this question?
NANKI-POO
Come gather round me, and I’ll tell you.
No.2 Song and Chorus
NANKI-POO
A wandering minstrel I
A thing of shreds and patches,
Of ballads, songs and snatches,
And dreamy lullaby!
My catalogue is long,
Through every passion ranging,
And to your humours changing
I tune my supple song!
I tune my supple song!
Are you in sentimental mood?
I’ll sigh with you,
Oh, sorrow!
On maiden’s coldness do you brood?
I’ll do so, too
Oh, sorrow, sorrow!
I’ll charm your willing ears
With songs of lovers’ fears,
While sympathetic tears
My cheeks bedew
Oh, sorrow, sorrow!
But if patriotic sentiment is wanted,
I’ve patriotic ballads cut and dried;
For where’er our country’s banner may be planted,
All other local banners are defied!
Our warriors, in serried ranks assembled,
Never quail, or they conceal it if they do
And I shouldn’t be surprised if nations trembled
Before the mighty troops
the mighty troops of Titipu!
CHORUS
We shouldn’t be surprised if nations trembled,
trembled with alarm
Before the mighty troops
the mighty troops of Titipu!
NANKI-POO
And if you call for a song of the sea,
We’ll heave the capstan round,
With a yeo heave ho, for the wind is free,
Her anchor’s a-trip and her helm’s a-lee,
Hurrah for the homeward bound!
CHORUS
Yeo-ho, heave-ho
Hurrah for the homeward bound!
NANKI-POO
To lay aloft in a howling breeze
May tickle a landsman’s taste,
But the happiest hour a sailor sees
Is when he’s down
At an inland town,
With his Nancy on his knees, yeo-ho!
And his arm around her waist!
CHORUS
Then man the capstan – off we go,
As the fiddler swings us round,
With a yeo heave ho,
And a rum below,
Hurrah for the homeward bound!
With a yeo heave ho,
And a rum below,
Yeo-ho, heave ho,
Yeo-ho, heave ho,
heave ho, heave ho,
Yeo-ho!
NANKI-POO
A wandering minstrel I
A thing of shreds and patches,
Of ballads, songs and snatches,
And dreamy lullaby,
And dreamy lulla-
lullaby, lullaby!
(Enter Pish-Tush)
PISH-TUSH
And what may be your business with Yum-Yum?
NANKI-POO
I’ll tell you. A year ago
I was a member of the Titipu town band.
It was my duty to take the cap round for contributions.
While discharging this delicate office,
I saw Yum-Yum.
We loved each other at once,
but she was betrothed to her guardian Ko-Ko,
a cheap tailor,
and I saw that my suit was hopeless.
Overwhelmed with despair, I quitted the town.
Judge of my delight when I heard, a month ago,
that Ko-Ko had been condemned to death
for flirting!
I hurried back at once,
in the hope of finding Yum-Yum at liberty
to listen to my protestations.
PISH-TUSH
It is true
that Ko-Ko was condemned to death
for flirting,
but he was reprieved at the last moment,
and raised to the exalted rank
of Lord High Executioner
under the following remarkable circumstances:
No.3 Song: Pish-Tush and Chorus
PISH-TUSH
Our great Mikado, virtuous man,
When he to rule our land began,
Resolved to try
A plan whereby
Young men might best be steadied.
So he decreed, in words succinct,
That all who flirted, leered or winked
(Unless connubially linked),
Should forthwith be beheaded.
beheaded, beheaded,
Should forthwith be beheaded.
And I expect you’ll all agree
That he was right to so decree.
And I am right,
And you are right,
And all is right as right can be!
CHORUS
And you are right,
And we are right,
And all is right, is right as right can be!
And all is right as right can be,
right as right can be!
PISH-TUSH
This stern decree, you’ll understand,
Caused great dismay throughout the land!
For young and old
And shy and bold
Were equally affected.
The youth who winked a roving eye,
Or breathed a non-connubial sigh,
Was thereupon condemned to die
He usually objected.
objected, objected,
He usually objected.
And you’ll allow, as I expect,
That he was right to so object.
And I am right,
And you are right,
And everything is quite correct!
CHORUS
And you are right,
And we are right,
And everything is quite, is quite correct!
And everything is quite correct,
All is quite correct!
PISH-TUSH
And so we straight let out on bail
A convict from the county jail,
Whose head was next
On some pretext
Condemnëd to be mown off,
And made him Headsman, for we said,
‘Who’s next to be decapited
Cannot cut off another’s head
Until he’s cut his own off.
his own off, his own off,
Until he’s cut his own off.’
And we are right, I think you’ll say,
To argue in this kind of way;
And I am right,
And you are right,
And all is right, too-looral-lay!
CHORUS
And you are. right,
And we are right,
And all is right, too-looral, looral-lay!
And I am right, and you are right,
And all is right!
(Exeunt Chorus)
(Enter Pooh-Bah)
NANKI-POO
Ko-Ko, the cheap tailor,
Lord High Executioner of Titipu!
Why, that’s the highest rank a citizen can attain!
POOH-BAH
It is. Our logical Mikado,
seeing no moral difference between
the dignified judge who condemns a criminal to die,
and the industrious mechanic
who carries out the sentence,
has rolled the two offices into one,
and every judge is now his own executioner.
NANKI-POO
But how good of you,
for I see that you are a nobleman of the highest rank,
to condescend to tell all this to me,
a mere strolling minstrel!
POOH-BAH
Don’t mention it.
I am, in point of fact,
a particularly haughty and exclusive person,
of pre-Adamite ancestral descent.
You will understand this when I tell you
that I can trace my ancestry back
to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule.
Consequently,
my family pride is something inconceivable.
I can’t help it.
I was born sneering.
But I struggle hard to overcome this defect.
I mortify my pride continually.
When all the great officers of State resigned in a body,
because they were too proud
to serve under an ex-tailor,
did I not unhesitatingly accept
all their posts at once?
PISH-TUSH
And the salaries attached to them?
You did.
POOH-BAH
It is consequently my degrading duty
to serve this upstart
as First Lord of the Treasury, Lord Chief justice,
Commander-in-Chief, Lord High Admiral,
Master of the Buckhounds, Groom of the Back Stairs,
Archbishop of Titipu, and Lord Mayor,
both acting and elect,
all rolled into one.
And at a salary!
A Pooh-Bah paid for his services!
I a salaried minion!
But I do it! It revolts me, but I do it!
NANKI-POO
And it does you credit.
POOH-BAH
But I don’t stop at that.
I go and dine with middle-class people
on reasonable terms.
I dance at cheap suburban parties
for a moderate fee.
I accept refreshment at any hands,
however lowly.
I also retail State secrets
at a very low figure.
For instance, any further information
about Yum-Yum
would come under the head of a State secret,
(Nanki-Poo takes the hint, and gives him money.)
(Aside.)
Another insult, and, I think, a light one!
No.4 Song: Poo-Bah, Nanki-Poo, Pish-Tush.
POOH-BAH
Young man, despair,
Likewise go to,
Yum-Yum the fair
You must not woo.
It will not do:
I’m sorry for you,
You very imperfect ablutioner!
This very day
From school Yum-Yum
Will wend her way,
And homeward come,
With beat of drum
And a rum-tum-tum,
To wed the Lord High Executioner!
And the brass will crash,
And the trumpets bray,
And they’ll cut a dash
On their wedding day.
She’ll toddle away, as all aver,
With the Lord High Executioner!
NANKI-POO, PISH TUSH
And the brass will crash,
And the trumpets bray,
And they’ll cut a dash
On their wedding day.
ALL
She’ll toddle away, as all aver,
With the Lord High Executioner!
POOH-BAH
It’s a hopeless case,
As you may see,
And in your place
Away I’d flee;
But don’t blame me.
I’m sorry to be
Of your pleasure a diminutioner.
They’ll vow their pact
Extremely soon,
In point of fact
This afternoon.
Her honeymoon
With that buffoon
At seven commences, so you shun her!
And the brass will crash,
And the trumpets bray,
And they’ll cut a dash
On their wedding day.
She’ll toddle away, as all aver,
With the Lord High Executioner!
NANKI-POO, PISH-TUSH
And the brass will crash,
And the trumpets bray,
And they’ll cut a dash
On their wedding day.
ALL
She’ll toddle away, as all aver,
With the Lord High Executioner!
(Exit Pish-Tush)
No.4a Recitative: Nanki-Poo, Pooh-Bah
NANKI-POO
And I have journeyed for a month, or nearly,
To learn that Yum-Yum,
whom I love so dearly,
This day to Ko-Ko is to be united!
POOH-BAH
The fact appears to be as you’ve recited:
But here he comes, equipped as suits his station;
He’ll give you any further information.
(Exeunt Nanki-Poo and Pooh-Bah)
No.5 Chorus and Solo:Ko-ko and Men
(EnterChorus of Nobles.)
NOBLES
Behold the Lord High Executioner!
A personage of noble rank and title,
A dignified and potent officer,
Whose functions are particularly vital!
Defer, defer,
To the Lord High Executioner!
Defer, defer,
To the noble Lord, to the noble Lord
To the Lord High Executioner!
(Enter Ko-Ko attended.)
KO-KO
Taken from the county jail
By a set of curious chances;
Liberated then on bail,
On my own recognizances;
Wafted by a favouring gale
As one sometimes is in trances,
To a height that few can scale,
Save by long and weary dances;
Surely, never had a male
Under such-like circumstances
So adventurous a tale,
Which may rank with most romances.
Taken from the county jail
CHORUS
Taken from the county jail,
KO-KO
By a set of curious chances;
CHORUS
Liberated then on bail,
KO-KO
Surely, never had a male
CHORUS
Surely, never had a male
KO-KO
So adventurous a tale,
CHORUS
So adventurous a tale,
CHORUS
Defer, defer,
To the Lord High Executioner,
Defer, defer,
To the noble Lord, to the noble Lord
High Executioner!
Bow down, Bow down,
To the Lord High Executioner!
Defer, defer,
To the noble, noble Lord
The High Executioner!
KO-KO
Gentlemen, I’m much touched by this reception.
I can only trust
that by strict attention to duty
I shall ensure a continuance of those favours
which it will ever be my study to deserve.
If I should ever be called upon to
act professionally,
I am happy to think
that there will be no difficulty in finding
plenty of people whose loss will be a distinct gain
to society at large.
No.5a Song: Ko-Ko with Chorus
KO-KO
As some day it may happen that
a victim must be found,
I’ve got a little list.
I’ve got a little list
Of society offenders
who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed
who never would be missed!
There’s the pestilential nuisances
who write for autographs
All people who have flabby hands
and irritating laughs
All children who are up in dates,
and floor you with ’em flat
All persons who in shaking hands,
shake hands with you like that
And all third persons
who on spoiling tête-à-têtes insist
They’d none of ’em be missed!
They’d none of ’em be missed!
CHORUS
He’s got ’em on the list! He’s got ’em on the list;
And they’ll none of ’em be missed!
They’ll none of ’em be missed.
KO-KO
There’s the banjo serenader,
and the others of his race,
And the piano-organist
I’ve got him on the list!
And the people who eat peppermint
and puff it in your face,
They never would be missed!
They never would be missed!
Then the idiot who praises,
with enthusiastic tone,
All centuries but this,
and every country but his own;
And the lady from the provinces,
who dresses like a guy,
And who ‘doesn’t think she dances,
but would rather like to try’;
And that singular anomaly,
the lady novelist
I don’t think she’d be missed
I’m sure she’d not be missed!
CHORUS
He’s got her on they list! He’s got her on the list!
And I don’t think she’ll be missed
I’m sure she’ll not be missed!
KO-KO
And that "Nisi Prius" nuisance,
who just now is rather rife,
The judicial humorist.
I’ve got him on the list!
All funny fellows, comic men,
and clowns of private life.
They’d none of ’em be missed!
They’d none of ’em be missed!
And apologetic statesmen
of a compromising kind,
Such as, What d’ye call him, Thing’em-bob,
and likewise Never-mind,
And ’St, ’st, ’st and What’s-his-name,
and also You-know-who.
The task of filling up the blanks
I’d rather leave to you.
But it really doesn’t matter
whom you put upon the list,
For they’d none of ’em be missed!
They’d none of ’em be missed!
CHORUS
You may put ’em on the list!
you may put ’em on the list!
And they’ll none of ’em be missed!
They’ll none of ’em be missed!
(Exeunt Chorus)
(Enter Pooh-Bah)
KO-KO
Pooh-Bah, it seems that
the festivities in connection with
my approaching marriage
must last a week.
I should like to do it handsomely,
and I want to consult you
as to the amount I ought to spend upon them.
POOH-BAH
Certainly. In which of my capacities?
As First Lord of the Treasury, Lord Chamberlain,
Attorney-General, Chancellor of the Exchequer,
Privy Purse, or Private Secretary?
KO-KO
Suppose we say as Private Secretary.
POOH-BAH
Speaking as your Private Secretary, I should say that,
as the city will have to pay for it,
don’t stint yourself,
do it well.
KO-KO
Exactly, as the city will have to pay for it.
That is your advice.
POOH-BAH
As Private Secretary.
Of course you will understand that,
as Chancellor of the Exchequer,
I am bound to see that due economy is, observed.
KO-KO
Oh! But you said just now
‘Don’t stint yourself, do it well’.
POOH-BAH
As Private Secretary.
KO-KO
And now you say that due economy must be observed.
POOH-BAH
As Chancellor of the Exchequer.
KO-KO
Come over here, where the Chancellor can’t hear us.
(They cross the stage.)
Now, as my Solicitor,
how do you advise me to deal with this difficulty?
POOH-BAH
Oh, as your Solicitor,
I should have no hesitation in saying
‘Chance it’
KO-KO
Thank you.
(Shaking his hand)
I will.
POOH-BAH
If it were not that, as Lord Chief Justice,
I am bound to see that the law isn’t violated.
KO-KO
I see. Come over here
where the Chief Justice can’t hear us.
(They cross the stage.)
Now, then, as First Lord of the Treasury?
POOH-BAH
Of course, as First Lord of the Treasury,
I could propose a special vote
that would cover all expenses,
if it were not that, as Leader of the Opposition,
it would be my duty to resist it, tooth and nail.
Or, as Paymaster-General,
I could so cook the accounts that,
as Lord High Auditor,
I should never discover the fraud.
But then, as Archbishop of Titipu,
it would be my duty to denounce my dishonesty
and give myself into my own custody
as First Commissioner of Police.
KO-KO
That’s extremely awkward.
POOH-BAH
I don’t say that all these distinguished people
couldn’t be squared;
but it is right to tell that
they wouldn’t be sufficiently degraded
in their own estimation
unless they were insulted with a very considerable
bribe.
KO-KO
The matter shall have my careful consideration.
But my bride and her sisters approach,
and any little compliment on your part,
such as an abject grovel
in a characteristic Japanese attitude,
would be esteemed a favour.
POOH-BAH
No money – no grovel!
(Exeunt together)
No.6 Chorus of School Girls
(Enter procession of Yum-Yum’s school fellows, heralding Yum-Yum, Peep-Bo and Pitti-Sing)
GIRLS
Comes a train of little ladies
From scholastic trammels free,
Each a little bit afraid is,
Wondering what the world can be!
Is it but a world of trouble
Sadness set to song?
Is its beauty but a bubble
Bound to break ere long?
Are its palaces and pleasures
Are its pleasures
Fantasies that fade?
And the glory of its treasures
And the glory of its treasures
Shadow of a shade?
And the glory of its treasures
Shadow of a shade?
Shadow of a shade?
Schoolgirls we, eighteen and under,
From scholastic trammels free,
And we wonder,
how we wonder!
We wonder,
how we wonder!
What on earth the world can be!
What on earth the world can be!
No.7 Trio with chorus: Yum-Yum, Peep-Bo, Pitti-Sing
THE THREE
Three little maids from school are we,
Pert as a school-girl well can be
Filled to the brim with girlish glee,
Three little maids from school!
YUM-YUM
Everything is a source of fun.
(Chuckle.)
PEEP-BO
Nobody’s safe, for we care for none!
(Chuckle.)
PITTI-SING
Life is a joke that’s just begun!
(Chuckle.)
THE THREE
Three little maids from school!
ALL
(dancing)
Three, little maids who, all unwary,
Come from a ladies’ seminary,
Freed from its genius tutelary.
THE THREE
(suddenly demure)
Three little maids from school!
Three little maids from school!
YUM-YUM
One little maid is a bride, Yum-Yum.
PEEP-BO
Two little maids in attendance come.
PITTI-SING
Three little maids is the total sum.
THE THREE
Three little maids from school!
YUM-YUM
From three little maids take one away.
PEEP-BO
Two little maids remain, and they
PITTI-SING
Won’t have to wait very long, they say
THE THREE
Three little maids from school!
ALL
Three little maids from school!
(dancing)
Three little maids who, all unwary,
Come from a ladies’ seminary,
Freed from its genius tutelary.
THE THREE
(suddenly demure)
Three little maids from school!
ALL
Three little maids from school!
(Enter Ko-Ko and Pooh-Bah.)
KO-KO
At last, my bride that is to be!
(About to embrace her)
YUM-YUM
You’re not going to kiss me
before all these people?
KO-KO
Well, that was the idea.
YUM-YUM
(aside to Peep-Bo)
It seems odd, doesn’t it?
PEEP-BO
It’s rather peculiar.
PITTI-SING
Oh, I expect it’s all right.
Must have a beginning, you know.
YUM-YUM
Well, of course I know nothing about these things;
but I’ve no objection if it’s usual.
KO-KO
Oh, it’s quite usual, I think.
Eh, Lord Chamberlain?
(Appealing to Pooh-Bah)
POOH-BAH
I have known it done.
(Ko-Ko embraces her)
YUM-YUM
Thank goodness that’s over!
(Sees Nanki-Poo, and rushes to him.)
Why, that’s never you?
(The Three Girls rush to him and shake his hands, all speaking at once.)
YUM-YUM
Oh, I’m so glad!
I haven’t seen you for ever so long,
and I’m right at the top of the school,
and I’ve got three prizes,
and I’ve come home for good,
and I’m not going back any more!
PEEP-BO
And have you got an engagement? –
Yum-Yum’s got one,
but she doesn’t like it,
and she’d ever so much rather it was you!
I’ve come home for good,
and I’m not going back any more!
PITTI-SING
Now tell us all the news,
because you go about everywhere,
and we’ve been at school,
but, thank goodness, that’s all over now,
and we’ve come home for good,
and we’re not going back any more!
(These three speeches are spoken together in one breath.)
KO-KO
I beg your pardon. Will you present me?
YUM-YUM
Oh, this is the musician who used…
PEEP-BO
Oh, this is the gentleman who used…
PITTI-SING
Oh, it is only Nanki-Poo who used…
KO-KO
One at a time, if you please.
YUM-YUM
Oh, if you please he’s the gentleman
who used to play so beautifully on the… on the…
PITTI-SING
On the Marine Parade.
YUM-YUM
Yes, I think that was the name of the instrument.
NANKI-POO
Sir, I have the misfortune
to love your ward,
oh, I know I deserve your anger!
KO-KO
Anger! not a bit, my boy.
Why, I love her myself.
Charming little girl, isn’t she?
Pretty eyes, nice hair. Taking little thing, altogether.
Very glad to hear my opinion
backed by a competent authority.
Thank you very much. Good-bye.
(To Pish-Tush)
Take him away.
(Pish-Tush removes him.)
PITTI-SING
(who has been examining Pooh-Bah)
I beg your pardon, but what is this?
Customer come to try on?
KO-KO
That is a Tremendous Swell.
PITTI-SING
Oh, it’s alive.
(She starts back in alarm.)
POOH-BAH
Go away, little girls.
Can’t talk to little girls like you.
Go away, there’s dears.
KO-KO
Allow me to present you, Pooh-Bah.
These are my three wards.
The one in the middle is my bride elect.
POOH-BAH
What do you want me to do to them?
Mind, I will not kiss them.
KO-KO
No, no, you shan’t kiss them;
a little bow, a mere nothing,
you needn’t mean it, you know.
POOH-BAH
It goes against the grain.
They are not young ladies, they are young persons.
KO-KO
Come, come, make an effort,
there’s a good nobleman.
POOH-BAH
(aside to Ko-Ko)
Well, I shan’t mean it.
(With a great effort.)
How de do, little girls, how de do?
(Aside.)
Oh, my protoplasmal ancestor!
KO-KO
That’s very good.
(Girls indulge in suppressed laughter.)
POOH-BAH
I see nothing to laugh at.
It is very painful to me to have to say
‘How de do, little girls, how de do? ’
to young persons.
I’m not in the habit of saying
‘How de do, little girls, how de do?’
to anybody under the rank of a Stockbroker.
KO-KO
(aside to girls)
Don’t laugh at him, he can’t help it.
He’s under treatment for it.
(Aside to Pooh-Bah)
Never mind them,
they don’t understand the delicacy of your position.
POOH-BAH
We know how delicate it is, don’t we?
KO-KO
I should think we did!
How a nobleman of your importance
can do it at all
is a thing I never can, never shall understand.
(Ko-Ko-retires up and goes off)
No.8 Quartet and Chorus
YUM-YUM, PEEP-BO, PITTI-SING
So please you, sir, we much regret.
If we have failed in etiquette
Towards a man of rank so high
We shall know better by and by.
YUM-YUM
But youth, of course, must have its fling,
So pardon us,
So pardon us,
PITTI-SING
And don’t, in girlhood’s happy spring,
Be hard on us,
Be hard on us,
If we’re inclined to dance and sing…
Tra la la la la la.
(Dancing.)
GIRLS
Tra la la la la la.
But youth, of course, must have its fling,
So pardon us,
And don’t, in girlhood’s happy spring,
Be hard on us,
But youth, of course, must have its fling,
So pardon us,
Tra la la la la la.
POOH-BAH
I think you ought to recollect
You cannot show too much respect
Towards the highly titled few;
But nobody does, and why should you?
That youth at us should have its fling,
Is hard on us,
Is hard on us;
To our prerogative we cling
So pardon us,
So pardon us,
If we decline to dance and sing.
Tra la la la la la.
(Dancing)
GIRLS
But youth, of course, must have its fling,
So pardon us,
And don’t, in girlhood’s happy spring,
Be hard on us,
But youth, of course, must have its fling,
So pardon us,
Tra la la la la la.
(Exeunt all but Yum-Yum.)
(Enter Nanki-Poo)
NANKI-POO
Yum-Yum, at last we are alone!
I have sought you night and day for three weeks,
in the belief that your guardian was beheaded,
and I find that you are about to be married
to him this afternoon!
YUM-YUM
Alas, yes!
NANKI-POO
But you do not love him?
YUM-YUM
Alas, no!
NANKI-POO
Modified rapture! But why do you not refuse him?
YUM-YUM
What good would that do?
He’s my guardian, and he wouldn’t let me marry you!
NANKI-POO
But I would wait until you were of age!
YUM-YUM
You forget that in Japan
girls do not arrive at years of discretion
until they are fifty.
NANKI-POO
True; from seventeen to forty-nine
are considered years of indiscretion.
YUM-YUM
Besides, a wandering minstrel,
who plays a wind instrument outside tea-houses,
is hardly a fitting husband
for the ward of a Lord High Executioner.
NANKI-POO
But…
(Aside.)
Shall I tell her?
Yes! She will not betray me!
(Aloud.)
What if it should prove that,
after all, I am no musician?
YUM-YUM
There! I was certain of it,
directly I heard you play!
NANKI-POO
What if it should prove
that I am no other than the son of his Majesty
the Mikado?
YUM-YUM
The son of the Mikado!
But why is your Highness disguised?
And what has your Highness done?
And will your Highness promise
never to do it again?
NANKI-POO
Some years ago I had the misfortune
to captivate Katisha,
an elderly lady of my father’s Court.
She misconstrued my customary affability
into expressions of affection,
and claimed me in marriage, under my father’s law.
My father,
the Lucius Junius Brutus of his race,
ordered me to marry her within a week,
or perish ignominiously on the scaffold.
That night I fled his Court,
and, assuming the disguise of a Second Trombone,
I joined the band in which you found me
when I had the happiness of seeing you!
(Approaching her)
YUM-YUM
(retreating)
If you please,
I think your Highness had better not come too near.
The laws against flirting are excessively severe.
NANKI-POO
But we are quite alone, and nobody can see us.
YUM-YUM
Still, that doesn’t make it right.
To flirt is capital.
NANKI-POO
It is capital!
YUM-YUM
And we must obey the law.
NANKI-POO
Deuce take the law!
YUM-YUM
I wish it would, but it won’t!
NANKI-POO
If it were not for that,
how happy we might be!
YUM-YUM
Happy indeed!
NANKI-POO
If it were not for the law,
we should now be sitting side by side,
like that.
(Sits by her.)
YUM-YUM
Instead of being obliged to sit half a mile off,
like that.
(Crosses and sits at other side of stage.)
NANKI-POO
We should be gazing into each other’s eyes,
like that.
(Gazing at her sentimentally.)
YUM-YUM
Breathing sighs of unutterable love,
like that.
(Sighing and gazing lovingly at him.)
NANKI-POO
With our arms round each other’s waists,
like that.
(Embracing her)
YUM-YUM
Yes, if it wasn’t for the law.
NANKI-POO
If it wasn’t for the law.
YUM-YUM
As it is, of course
we couldn’t do anything of the kind.
NANKI-POO
Not for worlds!
YUM-YUM
Being engaged to Ko-Ko, you know!
NANKI-POO
Being engaged to Ko-Ko!
No.9 Duet: Yum-Yum, Nanki-Poo.
NANKI-POO
Were you not to Ko-Ko plighted,
I would say in tender tone,
‘Loved one, let us be united,
Let us be each other’s own!’
I would merge all rank and station,
Worldly sneers are nought to us,
And, to mark my admiration,
I would kiss you fondly thus.
(Kisses her)
BOTH
I/He would kiss you/me
fondly thus.
(Kiss)
YUM-YUM
But as I’m engaged to Ko-Ko,
To embrace you thus, con fuoco,
Would distinctly be no giuoco,
And for yam I should get toko.
BOTH
Toko, toko, toko, toko!
NANKI-POO
So, in spite of all temptation,
Such a theme I’ll not discuss,
And on no consideration
Will I kiss you fondly thus.
(Kissing her.)
Will I kiss you fondly thus.
Let me make it clear to you,
This is what I’ll never do!
This, oh, this, oh, this, oh, this.
This is what I’ll never, never do!
(Kissing her.)
TOGETHER
This, oh, this,
oh, this, oh, this.
NANKI-POO
This is what I’ll never do!
YUM-YUM
He’ll never do!
NANKI-POO
I’ll never do!
YUM-YUM
He’ll never do!
NANKI-POO
Oh, this.
TOGETHER
This is what He/I’ll never, never do!
(Exeunt in opposite directions.)
