(Enter Ko-Ko.)
KO-KO
(looking after Yum-Yum)
There she goes!
To think how entirely my future happiness
is wrapped up in that little parcel!
Really, it hardly seems worth while!
Oh, matrimony!
(Enter Pooh-Bah and Pish-Tush.)
Now then, what is it?
Can’t you see I’m soliloquizing?
You have interrupted an apostrophe, sir!
PISH-TUSH
I am the bearer of a letter
from his Majesty the Mikado.
KO-KO
(taking it from him reverentially)
A letter from the Mikado!
What in the world can he have to say to me?
(Reads letter)
Ah, here it is at last!
I thought it would come sooner or later!
The Mikado is struck by the fact
that no executions have taken place
in Titipu for a year,
and decrees
that unless somebody is beheaded within one month
the post of Lord High Executioner shall be abolished,
and the city reduced to the rank of a village!
PISH-TUSH
But that will involve us all
in irretrievable ruin!
KO-KO
Yes. There is no help for it,
I shall have to execute somebody at once.
The only question is, who shall it be?
POOH-BAH
Well, it seems unkind to say so,
but as you’re already
under sentence of death for flirting,
everything seems to point to you.
KO-KO
To me? What are you talking about?
I can’t execute myself.
POOH-BAH
Why not?
KO-KO
Why not? Because, in the first place,
self-decapitation is an extremely difficult,
not to say dangerous, thing to attempt;
and, in the second, it’s suicide,
and suicide is a capital offence.
POOH-BAH
That is so, no doubt.
PISH-TUSH
We might reserve that point.
POOH-BAH
True, it could be argued six months hence,
before the full Court.
KO-KO
Besides, I don’t see
how a man can cut off his own head.
POOH-BAH
A man might try.
PISH-TUSH
Even if you only succeeded in cutting it half off,
that would be something.
POOH-BAH
It would be taken as an earnest of your desire
to comply with the Imperial will.
KO-KO
No. Pardon me, but there I am adamant.
As official Headsman, my reputation is at stake,
and I can’t consent to embark
on a professional operation
unless I see my way to a successful result.
POOH-BAH
This professional conscientiousness
is highly creditable to you,
but it places us in a very awkward position.
KO-KO
My good sir,
the awkwardness of your position is grace itself
compared with that of a man
engaged in the act of cutting off his own head.
PISH-TUSH
I am afraid that,
unless you can obtain a substitute.
KO-KO
A substitute? Oh, certainly, nothing easier.
(To Pooh-Bah)
Pooh-Bah, I appoint you Lord High Substitute.
POOH-BAH
I should be delighted.
Such an appointment would realize
my fondest dreams.
But no, at any sacrifice,
I must set bounds to my insatiable ambition!
No.10 Trio
POOH-BAH
I am so proud,
If I allowed
My family pride
To be my guide,
I’d volunteer
To quit this sphere
Instead of you,
In a minute or two.
But family pride
Must be denied,
And set aside,
And mortified.
And mortified.
KO-KO
My brain it teems
With endless schemes
Both good and new.
For Titipu; For Titipu;
But if I flit,
The benefit
That I’d diffuse
The town would lose!
Now every man
To aid his clan
Should plot and plan
As best he can,
PISH-TUSH
I heard one day
A gentleman say
That criminals who
Are cut in two
Can hardly feel
The fatal steel,
And so are slain
Without much pain.
If this is true,
It’s jolly for you;
Your courage screw
To bid us adieu,
POOH-BAH
I am so proud, If I allowed
KO-KO
My brain it teems with endless schemes
PISH-TUSH
I heard one day
POOH-BAH
My family pride to be my guide,
PISH-TUSH
A gentleman say that criminals who
Are cut in two can hardly feel
KO-KO
Both good and new for Titipu; for Titipu;
POOH-BAH
I’d volunteer to quit this sphere
KO-KO
But if I flit, the benefit
That I’d diffuse the town would lose!
PISH-TUSH
The fatal steel, and so are slain, are slain
Without much pain.
POOH-BAH
Instead of you, in a minute or two.
KO-KO
Now every man to aid his clan
Should plot and plan as best he can,
PISH-TUSH
If this is true, it’s jolly for you;
Your courage screw to bid us adieu,
KO-KO
And so,
Although
I’m ready to go,
Yet recollect
Twere disrespect
Did I neglect
To thus effect
This aim direct,
So I object,
POOH-BAH
And so,
Although
I wish to go,
And greatly pine
To brightly shine,
And take the line
Of a hero fine,
With grief condign
I must decline,
PISH-TUSH
And go
And show
Both friend and foe
How much you dare.
I’m quite aware
It’s your affair,
Yet I declare
I’d take your share,
But I don’t much care,
POOH-BAH
I must decline,
I must decline.
KO-KO
So I object,
So I object.
PISH-TUSH
I’d take your share,
But I don’t much care,
I’d take your share,
POOH-BAH
I must decline,
I must decline.
KO-KO
So I object,
So I object.
PISH-TUSH
But I don’t much care,
I’d take your share,
But I don’t much care,
POOH-BAH
I must decline,
I must decline.
KO-KO
So I object,
So I object.
PISH-TUSH
I don’t much care,
I don’t much care.
ALL
To sit in solemn silence in a
dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a
life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a
short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a
big black block!
To sit in solemn silence in a
dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a
life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a
short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a
big black block!
A dull, dark dock,
A life-long lock,
A short, sharp shock,
A big black block!
To sit in solemn silence
In a pestilential prison,
And awaiting the sensation
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a
big black block!
(Exeunt Pooh-Bah and Pish-Tush)
KO-KO
This is simply appalling!
I, who allowed myself to be respited
at the last moment,
simply in order to benefit my native town,
am now required to die within a month,
and that by a man whom I have loaded with honours!
Is this public gratitude? Is this
(Enter Nanki-Poo, with a rope in his hands.)
Go away, sir! How dare you?
Am I never to be permitted to soliloquize?
NANKI-POO
Oh, go on, don’t mind me.
KO-KO
What are you going to do with that rope?
NANKI-POO
I am about to terminate
an unendurable existence.
KO-KO
Terminate your existence? Oh, nonsense!
What for?
NANKI-POO
Because you are going to marry the girl I adore.
KO-KO
Nonsense, sir. I won’t permit it.
I am a humane man,
and if you attempt anything of the kind
I shall order your instant arrest.
Come, sir, desist at once,
or I summon my guard.
NANKI-POO
That’s absurd.
If you attempt to raise an alarm,
I instantly perform the Happy Despatch
with this dagger.
KO-KO
No, no, don’t do that.
This is horrible!
(Suddenly)
Why, you cold-blooded scoundrel,
are you aware that, in taking your life,
you are committing, a crime which…which… which… is…
Oh!
(Struck by an idea)
Substitute!
NANKI-POO
What’s the matter?
KO-KO
Is it absolutely certain
that you are resolved to die?
NANKI-POO
Absolutely!
KO-KO
Will nothing shake your resolution?
NANKI-POO
Nothing.
KO-KO
Threats, entreaties, prayers – all useless?
NANKI-POO
All! My mind is made up.
KO-KO
Then, if you really mean what you say,
and if you are absolutely resolved to die,
and if nothing whatever
will shake your determination,
don’t spoil yourself by committing suicide,
but be beheaded handsomely
at the hands of the Public Executioner!
NANKI-POO
I don’t see how that would benefit me.
KO-KO
You don’t? Observe:
you’ll have a month to live,
and you’ll live like a fighting-cock at my expense.
When the day comes
there’ll be a grand public ceremonial,
you’ll be the central figure,
no one will attempt to deprive you of that distinction.
There’ll be a procession, bands, dead march,
bells tolling, all the girls in tears,
Yum-Yum distracted,
then, when it’s all over, general rejoicings,
and a display of fireworks in the evening.
You won’t see them,
but they’ll be there all the same.
NANKI-POO
Do you think Yum-Yum would really be distracted
at my death?
KO-KO
I am convinced of it. Bless you,
she’s the most tender-hearted little creature alive.
NANKI-POO
I should be sorry to cause her pain.
Perhaps, after all, if I were to withdraw from Japan,
and travel in Europe for a couple of years,
I might contrive to forget her.
KO-KO
Oh, I don’t think
you could forget Yum-Yum so easily;
and, after all,
what is more miserable than a love blighted life?
NANKI-POO
True.
KO-KO
Life without Yum-Yum – why, it seems absurd!
NANKI-POO
And yet there area good many people in the world
who have to endure it.
KO-KO
Poor devils, yes!
You are quite right not to be of their number.
NANKI-POO
(suddenly)
I won’t be of their number!
KO-KO
Noble fellow!
NANKI-POO
I’ll tell you how we’ll manage it.
Let me marry Yum-Yum tomorrow,
and in a month you may behead me.
KO-KO
No, no. I draw the line at Yum-Yum.
NANKI-POO
Very good. If you can draw the line
so can I.
(Preparing rope)
KO-KO
Stop, stop! Listen one moment.
Be reasonable.
How can I consent
to your marrying Yum-Yum
if I’m going to marry her myself?
NANKI-POO
My good friend,
she’ll be a widow in a month,
and you can marry her then.
KO-KO
That’s true, of course.
I quite see that. But, dear me!
my position during the next month
will be most unpleasant, most unpleasant.
NANKI-POO
Not half so unpleasant as my position
at the end of it.
KO-KO
But, dear me! Well, I agree,
after all, it’s only putting off my wedding for a month.
But you won’t prejudice her against me, will you?
You see, I’ve educated her to be my wife;
she’s been taught to regard me
as a wise and good man.
Now I shouldnt like her views on that point disturbed.
NANKI-POO
Trust me,
she shall never learn the truth from me.
No.11 Finale of Act.1
(Enter Chorus, Pooh-Bah and Pish-Tush)
CHORUS
With aspect stern
And gloomy stride,
We come to learn
How you decide.
Don’t hesitate
Your choice to name,
A dreadful fate
You’ll suffer all the same.
A dreadful fate
You’ll suffer all the same.
POOH-BAH
To ask you what you mean to do
we punctually appear.
KO-KO
Congratulate me, gentlemen,
I’ve found a Volunteer!
ALL
The Japanese equivalent for
Hear, Hear, Hear!
KO-KO
(presenting him)
’Tis Nanki-Poo!
ALL
Hail, Nanki-Poo!
KO-KO
I think he’ll do?
ALL
Yes, yes, he’ll do!
KO-KO
He yields his life
if I’ll Yum-Yum surrender.
Now I adore that girl with passion tender,
And could not yield her
with a ready will,
Or her allot,
if I did not Adore myself
with passion tenderer still!
With passion tenderer still!
(Enter Yum-Yum, Peep-Bo And Pitti-Sing)
ALL
Ah, yes!
He loves himself with passion tenderer still!
KO-KO
(to Nanki-Poo)
Take her. She’s yours!
(Exit Ko-Ko)
Ensemble
NANKI-POO
The threatened cloud has passed away.
YUM-YUM
And brightly shines the dawning day.
NANKI-POO
What though the night may come too soon.
YUM-YUM
There’s yet a month of afternoon!
NANKI-POO, POOH-BAH, PISH-TUSH
YUM-YUM, PITTI-SING, PEEP-BO
Then let the throng
Then let the throng, Our joy advance,
With laughing song
With laughing song and merry dance,
Then let the throng
Our joy advance,
With laughing song
And merry dance,
With laughing song
And merry dance,
With laughing song
CHORUS
With joyous shout,
With joyous shout and ringing cheer,
Inaugurate,
Inaugurate their brief career!
With joyous shout and ringing cheer,
Inaugurate their brief career!
Joyous joyous shout!
PITTI-SING
A day, a week, a month, a year…
YUM-YUM
Or far or near, or far or near,
POOH-BAH
Life’s eventime comes much too soon,
PITTI-SING
You’ll five at least a honeymoon!
ALL
Then let the throng,
Then let the throng, Our joy advance,
With laughing song
With laughing song and merry dance,
Then let the throng
Our joy advance,
With laughing song
And merry dance,
With laughing song
And merry dance,
With laughing song
CHORUS
With joyous shout,
With joyous shout and ringing cheer,
Inaugurate,
Inaugurate their brief career!
With joyous shout and ringing cheer,
Inaugurate their brief career!
Joyous joyous shout!
Laughing song, merry dance,
With laughing song
And merry dance,
Solo
POOH-BAH
As in a month you’ve got to die,
If Ko-Ko tells us true,
’Twere empty compliment to cry
‘Long life to Nanki-Poo!’
But as one month you have to live
As fellow-citizen,
This toast with three times three we’ll give
‘Long life,
‘Long life to you,
‘Long life to you,
‘Long life to you, till then!
(Exit Pooh-Bah)
CHORUS
May all good
fortune, all good fortune prosper you,
May you have
health, may you have health and riches too,
May all good fortune prosper you,
May you have health and riches too,
May you succeed in all you. do!
Long life, long life to you – till then!
(Dance.)
(Enter Katisha melodramatically.)
KATISHA
Your revels cease! Assist me, all of you!
CHORUS
Why, who is this whose evil eyes
Rain blight on our festivities?
KATISHA
I claim my perjured lover,
Nanki-Poo!
Oh, fool! to shun delights that never cloy!
CHORUS
Go, leave thy deadly work undone!
KATISHA
Come back, oh, shallow fool!
Come back to joy!
CHORUS
Away, away! ill-favoured one!
NANKI-POO
(aside to Yum-Yum)
Ah!’Tis Katisha!
The maid of whom I told you.
(About to go.)
KATISHA
(detaining him)
No!
You shall not go,
These arms shall thus enfold you!
Song
KATISHA
(addressing Nanki-Poo)
Oh fool, that fleest
My hallowed joys!
Oh blind, that seest
No equipoise!
Oh rash, that judgest
From half, the whole!
Oh base, that grudgest
Love’s lightest dole!
Thy heart unbind,
Oh fool, oh blind!
Give me my place,
Oh rash, oh base!
Thy heart unbind,
Give me my place,
Oh fool, oh blind!
Oh rash, oh base!
Thy heart unbind,
Give me, give me my place,
CHORUS
If she’s thy bride, restore her place,
Oh fool, oh blind, oh rash, oh base!
KATISHA
(addressing Yum-Yum)
Pink cheek, that rulest
Where wisdom serves!
Bright eye, that foolest
Heroic nerves!
Rose lip, that scornest
Lore-laden years!
Smooth tongue, that warnest
Who rightly hears!
Thy doom is nigh,
Pink cheek, bright eye!
Thy knell is rung,
Rose lip, smooth tongue!
Thy doom is nigh,
Thy knell is rung,
Pink cheek, bright eye,
Rose lip, smooth tongue!
Thy doom is nigh,
Thy knell, thy knell is rung,
CHORUS
If true her tale, thy knell is rung,
Pink cheek, bright eye,
rose lip, smooth tongue!
KATISHA
Thy doom is nigh, thy knell is rung,
Thy knell, thy knell is rung,
CHORUS
If true her tale, thy knell is rung,
If true her tale, thy knell is rung,
PITTI-SING
Away, nor prosecute your quest.
From our intention, well expressed,
You cannot turn us!
The state of your connubial views
Towards the person you accuse
Does not concern us!
For he’s going to marry Yum-Yum.
ALL
Yum-Yum!
PITTI-SING
Your anger pray bury,
For all will be merry,
I think you had better succumb…
ALL
Cumb, cumb!
PITTI-SING
And join our expressions of glee.
On this subject I pray you be dumb.
ALL
Dumb, dumb.
PITTI-SING
You’ll find there are many
Who’ll wed for a penny.
The word for your guidance is ‘Mum’.
ALL
Mum, mum!
PITTI-SING
There’s lots of good fish in the sea!
ALL
On this subject we pray you be dumb,
Dumb, dumb.
We think you had better succumb…
Cumb, cumb!
You’ll find there are many
Who’ll wed for a penny.
Who’ll wed for a penny.
There’s lots of good fish in the sea!
There’s lots of good fish in the sea!
There’s lots of good fish
good fish in the sea!
There’s lots of good fish
good fish in the sea!
in the sea, in the sea, in the sea!
Solo
KATISHA
The hour of gladness
Is dead and gone;
In silent sadness
I live alone!
The hope I cherished
All lifeless lies,
And all has perished
all has perished
Save love, which never dies!
Which never, never dies!
Oh, faithless one, this insult you shall rue!
In vain for mercy on your knees you’ll sue.
I’ll tear the mask from your disguising!
NANKI-POO
(aside)
Now comes the blow!
KATISHA
Prepare yourselves for news surprising!
NANKI-POO
(aside)
How foil my foe?
KATISHA
No minstrel he, despite bravado!
YUM-YUM
(aside, struck by an idea)
Ha! ha! I know!
KATISHA
He is the son of your…
NANKI-POO, YUM-YUM, CHORUS,
(interrupting, sing Japanese words, to drown her voice.)
O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to!
KATISHA
In vain you interrupt with this tornado!
He is the only son of your…
ALL
O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to!
KATISHA
I’ll spoil
ALL
O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to!
KATISHA
Your gay gambado!
He is the son…
ALL
O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to!
KATISHA
Of your…
ALL
O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to!
KATISHA
The son of your…
ALL
O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to! Oya! oya!
Ensemble
KATISHA
Ye torrents roar!
Ye tempests howl!
Your wrath outpour
With angry growl!
Do ye your worst, my vengeance call
Shall rise triumphant over all!
THE OTHERS
We’ll hear no more,
Ill-omened owl,
To joy we soar,
Despite your scowl!
The echoes of our festival
Shall rise triumphant over all!
KATISHA
Prepare for woe,
Ye haughty lords,
At once I go
Mikado-wards,
THE OTHERS
Away you go,
Collect your hordes;
Proclaim your woe
In dismal chords;
YUM-YUM
We do not heed their dismal sound,
NANKI-POO
For joy reigns everywhere around.
YUM-YUM
We do not heed their dismal sound,
NANKI-POO, YUM-YUM
For joy reigns everywhere around.
The echoes of our festival
Shall rise triumphant over all!
THE OTHERS
We’ll hear no more, Ill-omened owl,
To joy we soar, Despite your scowl!
NANKI-POO
Shall rise triumphant over all!
YUM-YUM
Shall rise triumphant
NANKI-POO, YUM-YUM
triumphant over all!
Shall rise triumphant over all!
THE OTHERS
To joy we soar,
To joy we soar, Despite your scowl!
KATISHA
My wrongs with vengeance
shall be crowned!
THE OTHERS
We do not heed their dismal sound,
For joy reigns everywhere around.
We do not heed their dismal sound,
For joy reigns everywhere around.
KATISHA
My wrongs with vengeance
shall be crowned!
THE OTHERS
We do not heed their dismal sound,
KATISHA
My wrongs with vengeance
shall be crowned!
THE OTHERS
For joy reigns everywhere around.
(Katisha rushes furiously up stage, clearing the crowd away right and left, finishing on steps at the back of stage.)
